You may not be able to control your feelings, but you can control your actions.

So the first thing, staring at your boss ( or any other employee ) is simply creepy and in some locations can be considered sexual harassment. When your co-workers talk bad about your boss, stay silent if you cannot participate without anger and aggression. Once again this is behavior that can get you in trouble at work.

I would first try to work on controlling your behavior before considering something like quitting or moving to a different location and under no circumstances should you reveal to anyone within the company that you are attracted to your boss.

HR IS NOT YOUR FRIEND

Take that idea out of your head immediately. I would advise you seek counseling outside of work. This is a personal problem on your part and if you do not correct course, you will almost certainly find yourself on the receiving end of a sexual harassment charge.

If you cannot control yourself, you will need to move on. It's much easier to explain a short stint as a "bad fit" than it is to explain "terminated for cause", especially when the cause is "sexual harassment".

At that point, you'd be lucky to have a career in fast food or retail.

TLDR:

• Get counseling


• update your resume


• IF counseling doesn't help, find a new job.

I've been in similar situations with coworkers. In my case I did not have a productive life outside of work.

You may have to examine what you are doing before and after work. If it's something like video games or surfing the internet, then these are very solitary activities and only serve to further isolate you and make things like infatuation even worse.

You may want to try exercise either before or after work (personally I try to aim to walk about 3-4 miles a day). Playing an instrument can help since it sets a goal for improvement if you are still learning (I play the piano for example). Even just minor travel to see places around you can be productive and a learning experience. Drag your parents, siblings, friend, or significant other- so that you can experience new places and do new things. If you don't have a hobby think about what interests you and try to learn it.

If you don't have a significant other, or you aren't trying to date anyone at all- then that's problem #1 right there. Try to get out more and meet someone new even if you have to use online dating. In my case I dated about 4-5 people before I found someone I liked. I'll be honest, dating is hit or miss and you might be dating a long time before finding someone with mutual interests. Having a significant other you can relate to will probably greatly eliminate these type of infatuations. But make sure you aren't merely transferring infatuation to someone else.

Is it inappropriate to ask to change teams or move seats without
specifying a reason? Would there be anything at all gained by
admitting to her or somebody else (like HR) that I am attracted to
her?

I think this is really something you need to work on personally. There is little others can do to "remedy" a personal problem.

Not doing something is remarkably difficult, so think in terms of doing something different for each troubling behavior.

In meetings, try to focus on the effect of your remarks on some other person, perhaps your boss' boss.

Pick some object in your own cubicle to stare at. Any time you find yourself staring at your boss, switch to looking at that object.

Prepare some boss jokes, to use if your colleagues start making fun of her. Dilbert, though extreme, may give you some ideas.

If at all possible, walk away when you find yourself feeling jealous.

This is something that many young people have to deal with when they start working for the first time. There's an awful lot of emotional development required to progress from education and moving into the professional workplace. It's not just the skills needed to do your job, it's also interpersonal skills with people you're working with.

You've taken the time here to write down what's going wrong, so you understand that. You know that your behaviour is irrational and inappropriate for this workplace and your colleagues. While leaving might solve the problem, it's only because it's avoiding the problem. You'll face this again, and again.

Admit to yourself that you're never going to have a romantic engagement with your boss (or any co-worker for that matter), she most probably has a partner and is very happy in her relationship. She's your boss, treat her as such.

Keep in mind that if you're aware that you're staring at her, she is also aware that you're staring at her.

When you make that conscious decision in your head that nothing is going to happen and that she's your boss who has no romantic interest in you, then things will become easier. Segregating your search for romance and work will also help.

I know it is really hard to work in an company where you have a crush on another employee, rather than your boss, who you will see everyday and have to stay in touch with.

If you cannot control your actions, or your thoughts may not let you focus on your job, then you may consider finding another job.

You will find another job for sure, as fresh grad.

I think it is much better than doing something you may regret or get dismissed for harassment or any other reason.

In this day and age of mixed office work, when people spend most of their lives either working or commuting with each other, and when fertility rates are in decline as a result, do not feel that starting a relationship in the office is somehow contrary to professionalism.

Work relationships and marriages are normal. Love and life is paramount. Work is one of the main methods of achieving that. Eventually, you might feel that working together became a problem, for you or others, and then deal with it appropriately.

I would like to go on a different approach. First, I want to trash the social stereotypes (man should be older/wealthier than woman), assume perfect parity between men and women, and remark the OP has not made additional statements on the boss's relational status (if she is engaged already or not) or his compatibility with the boss. Let's go split from the personal and professional point of views

Personally

You have a crush for a person. That is perfectly natural because we are humans. I wouldn't suggest you to refrain from going further on grounds that she has more power than you (stereotype), or older (stereotype). I don't know the real situation, but if you could get to know more from the other person, you could also discover whether she may match you. This part of the answer isolates the OP and the boss from the workplace context. It's like someone on Interpersonal SE asked the same question about a woman sitting at a social event.

If she doesn't match you, you should go on on your own interest and find someone else. If she might ever match you, that could become the chance of your entire life. You should not use the social stereotypes and the professional barriers to stop you from growing a working relationship.

At the same time, you must act correctly. If you choose the path to show your feelings to the directly interested party and get a refuse, be prepared to accept a definitive no and face the consequences of which I will talk later. I am not encouraging stalking or similar, I just want to say that if you feel it is worth your romantic life, you can choose to bet on that.

On the contrary, acting like you are doing indeed harms your and your social life. If you don't come to a conclusion soon you will be staring to this person for your entire life, showing weakness and awkwardness. Even if this was not professional context, being in crush of a single individual is bad and can lead, in my opinion, to mental disease problems, mainly becoming incapable of a normal social life like the others. You said yourself that staring at her has consequences over your work.

Life happens. Couple breaks and change. Betrayals, while immoral for some, happen often. Older women are happy with younger and shorter men. Models (while often) do not always marry actors of footballers. Men and women find toy-boys/girls. We are not necessarily talking about full-life commitment here. I am personally talking about mutual consent. Everything consensual is fine to me, regardless of personal stories.

That is your choice. If that is yes, congrats! If that is no, respect her and her decision. Do. Not. Stalk. Her.

And I am not necessarily endorsing you on going forward. Try to know the person more to see if you match her

Conclusion: it is the OP's choice to decide whether to go on or give up. I want to respect his personal commitment into the boss.

Professionally

It is well debated that having any kind of friendship or relationship with a boss can cause harm because of conflict of interest. As others have noted, it is not uncommon to have relationship between peers or people with different responsibilities but working in different parts of the company.

That said, you are likely to show attraction (i.e. your coworkers will guess right) by your behaviour. It must come to a stop as soon as possible.

Consequences are IMO hard in terms of social life at work: if word happens to spread that you have attraction for someone at office and were refused, you may be pointed to be that one for the rest of your entire work career. Everyone will think about you as "the one who was in crush for the boss". This, depending on your workplace, may have silly bullying consequences. Being "that guy" forever is also a soft-bullying in my opinion.

If you get angry easily at defending your boss you will likely lose credibility in other subjects.

And of course the worst that can happen goes between HR and a charge for harassment.

Professionally speaking, despite your choice to really try to get more friendly/intimate with your boss, you must act immediately. I suggest three steps:

1. Immediately: do your best to control yourself

You know that you are staring, you know you are getting angry easily. Then, avoid the line of sight if you can, try to not join conversations about your boss; walk away from break room if necessary.

This step is not sufficient, because you will be feeling under pressure of controlling yourself. This has a negative effect on your state of mind.

2. After that: try to get more distance

This works against you. You just began your first job, so going to HR and asking to be moved to another team/office for personal problems with your boss couldn't go easily if you want to hide your attraction status. And speaking about that to HR is a bad idea. Seniority counts here.

The best option is to consider a different occupation in your case. Bonus point: if you ever happen to stay in contact with your current boss after you quit, growing a real relationship is the greatest thing that can happen!!!! But as I said before, I make no assumptions on your real chances. Do not count on that!!

Yet again, do not steal/stalk her number. If you plan to go, try to ask directly to stay in further contact. All future choices of communication depend on your wise.

3. On the long term: seek help

Friends, family, professional consulting are all great ideas. I have read questions about start dating someone else. Yes, that will help a lot release the tension, as you will be probably thinking less to your current boss and more to one or more individuals. Often dating is seen as a distraction.

I would go for the professional consulting in this case. We all have feelings as humans, and in fact in the first part of my answer I did not want to suggest stop following your feelings. Surak teaches us that we should not necessarily bury our feeling, but learn how to leave with them, to control them and not have them to control us.

You should ask for help to get a training on improving your emotion control. I also think that your fragility in handling emotions could easily bar you from finding a different partner.

Why does nobody suggest (even talk about) attempting an intimate relationship?

Well, here's why:

• Relationships between colleagues can work perfectly fine, even bond a couple more strongly but have some risks in getting there or once in a relationship:
  
  
  
  
  • pursuing romantic relations with a colleague can be a very slippery slope into inappropriateness or misconstrued as sexual harassment.
  
  
  • In this example the main potential issues that we know of are a very large age gap and a professional hierarchy to consider.
    
    
  
  
  • Chances are very high she isn't interested,even if she's single and heterosexual.
    
    
  
  
  • managing work and private relationships (especially if one is the superior to the other) can be very difficult to near impossible without major problems on a professional and personal level.
    
    
  
  
  • Not the case here, but if a superior is approaching a subordinate there is a power differential that quickly shifts such a relationship into the inappropriate.
    (she might be reluctant as it would cast this light on her)
    
    
  
  
  
  

So it is prudent to be very cautious about attempting to get romantically involved.

You still do have these two choices however.

Pursue a relationship or not.

• If you don't then follow many of the good answers and either keep everything professional, getting her out of your system or quit if you can't.




• If you do, make sure beforehand that she is interested and that you're not just infatuated but indeed in love.
  
  Get ready for a negative impact to your carreer if she rejects you or to leave the company as well if it becomes too awkward.
  
  Should she be interested but reluctant due to your respective positions offer to quit the company so that you two can become intimate without that professional barrier.

My advice first and foremost is to settle a bit, give it time.

Be professional and work as well as you can.

While slowly and carefully see how your personal, non professional interactions are and what signals you pick up from her.
Don't make any larger advances initially if you decided to do so but wait to see how she reacts to you.

Keep conversations light and friendly, maybe here and there if appropriate very slightly flirtatious if you think, she indeed might be interested in you.

It won't hurt either way to find professional advice and / or friends to help.
Maybe you can introduce a friend or two to her.

External parties often can read situations and behaviour more accurately and objectively.

All in all, if there is a high objective chance for a working romantic relationship I'd suggest to make that a priority before work(without neglecting it of course) unless work and carreer is more important for you.
You're on the very beginning of your professional life, so it might indeed be the best for you to concentrate on that right now.

The way you describe things makes me also think that you're infatuated and excuse my bluntness (and no offence intended) due to your age emotionally still in need of growth to become more grounded in your confidence and emotional maturity.

You might misinterpret your emotions and hers more easily and may make rash decisions.

I think it is self evident but tread lightly and as soon as you feel she is uncomfortable with your advances or rejects you, immiediatley STOP otherwise it becomes SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

Keep anger in check, it is very rarely warranted especially at work.


Should the company have any policies regarding personal relationships adhere to that code of conduct.

I read all these answers saying how unprofessional it might be but hey, I was in the same scenario one year ago. We often had to have meetings together and every time was even harder for me until one day she told me "Hey, what are you doing after work?".

And now we're together. :-)

You are attracted to your boss. Since you feel jealousy when she socializes, irritation when she is subject of ridicule by your coworkers, it looks like the attraction is sexual & emotional.

Having a relationship with your boss will NEVER work because of conflict of interest. So DO NOT PURSUE.

If you do not want to seek psychological help suggested by other answers, then personally try to fixate on things you find unattractive about this girl. Try to list them out & whenever you have the urge to stare at her, just mentally fixate on this list.

The things you find unattractive can be as complex or as simple. Maybe she wastes food in the cafeteria, maybe she doesn't care about climate change. It depends on your personality. If you don't socialize with her outside work them stalk her a little on social media to make that list. It can be as silly as she thinking Ronaldo is better than Messi.

Everyone has some negative traits. However, even after trying hard you don't find any fault with her then maybe she's the one for you. Get another job & then try to seek her romantically.

Staying in this job, you're making a fool out of yourself (your words, not mine) and cannot ethically pursue her.

Changing jobs you're no longer making a fool out of yourself and can ethically pursue her.