Treated like a child at work via excessive praise?
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I have recently moved into a new team at work (2 months or so) and recently I have noticed that I feel like I am being treated like I am a small child. This mostly comes in the form of excessive (and quite frankly, patronizing) praise whenever I complete very simple tasks.
As an example, today another team had an issue with our application and I helped them resolve their issue. As I walked away, their manager literally started a round-of-applause that spread to the entire work area, with everyone on the floor loudly clapping for me.
Later on in the day I helped another person with an issue and as I returned to my desk, a team leader approached me and told me "wow, you did such a great job today!" in the type of patronizing tone that an elementary school teacher would say to one of her students.
This is just from today - previously there have been similar situations, where I help someone out with a small issue or write some very simple code, and I am told "how great of a job I am doing, wow!" or if I figure out the bug in some code and point it out, it's "Wow, you're so smart!"
It is extraordinarily embarassing and does horrible things to my self esteem. I feel like I have no respect on the team, because it is clear that they do not view me as an equal. But, I'm not sure what to do about it - clearly this is not going to stop. And I really don't know how to bring this up to anybody to ask them to stop, or even if that's the right thing to do because it will probably make it worse.
professionalism work-environment team unprofessional-behavior
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
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Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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up vote
5
down vote
favorite
I have recently moved into a new team at work (2 months or so) and recently I have noticed that I feel like I am being treated like I am a small child. This mostly comes in the form of excessive (and quite frankly, patronizing) praise whenever I complete very simple tasks.
As an example, today another team had an issue with our application and I helped them resolve their issue. As I walked away, their manager literally started a round-of-applause that spread to the entire work area, with everyone on the floor loudly clapping for me.
Later on in the day I helped another person with an issue and as I returned to my desk, a team leader approached me and told me "wow, you did such a great job today!" in the type of patronizing tone that an elementary school teacher would say to one of her students.
This is just from today - previously there have been similar situations, where I help someone out with a small issue or write some very simple code, and I am told "how great of a job I am doing, wow!" or if I figure out the bug in some code and point it out, it's "Wow, you're so smart!"
It is extraordinarily embarassing and does horrible things to my self esteem. I feel like I have no respect on the team, because it is clear that they do not view me as an equal. But, I'm not sure what to do about it - clearly this is not going to stop. And I really don't know how to bring this up to anybody to ask them to stop, or even if that's the right thing to do because it will probably make it worse.
professionalism work-environment team unprofessional-behavior
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
4
Are you sure that their intent is to be patronizing? Do they do this with others? Could it just be their awkward way of thanking you? I remember long ago experiencing something like this. It took me a while to realize that the new team just wasn't used to getting decent help.
– Joe Strazzere
14 hours ago
1
Is there anything unusual about you? Ethnicity, physical issues etc.?
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
1
I don't think they intend to be patronizing, its just that their internal opinion and view of me causes them to act that way without meaning to, which is why I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I haven't really noticed it happening to anybody else - seems like it's only me that overly gets praise whenever I'm just doing my job. It might be possible that they're just not used to somebody who is actually helpful.....interesting thought.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
3
Killsi - I wouldn't say so, I am an overweight white male, although personally I do believe that I look extremely young just based on my facial structure. If I were to shave my beard off, my face would look just like a newborn baby (Other people have said this is not the case but I think it is). Which is really frustrating and is probably part of the cause of this behavior.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
2
@AlexA perhaps a one year old, having had 4 kids a newborn resembles a wrinkled monkey more than anything else. :-)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
up vote
5
down vote
favorite
up vote
5
down vote
favorite
I have recently moved into a new team at work (2 months or so) and recently I have noticed that I feel like I am being treated like I am a small child. This mostly comes in the form of excessive (and quite frankly, patronizing) praise whenever I complete very simple tasks.
As an example, today another team had an issue with our application and I helped them resolve their issue. As I walked away, their manager literally started a round-of-applause that spread to the entire work area, with everyone on the floor loudly clapping for me.
Later on in the day I helped another person with an issue and as I returned to my desk, a team leader approached me and told me "wow, you did such a great job today!" in the type of patronizing tone that an elementary school teacher would say to one of her students.
This is just from today - previously there have been similar situations, where I help someone out with a small issue or write some very simple code, and I am told "how great of a job I am doing, wow!" or if I figure out the bug in some code and point it out, it's "Wow, you're so smart!"
It is extraordinarily embarassing and does horrible things to my self esteem. I feel like I have no respect on the team, because it is clear that they do not view me as an equal. But, I'm not sure what to do about it - clearly this is not going to stop. And I really don't know how to bring this up to anybody to ask them to stop, or even if that's the right thing to do because it will probably make it worse.
professionalism work-environment team unprofessional-behavior
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
I have recently moved into a new team at work (2 months or so) and recently I have noticed that I feel like I am being treated like I am a small child. This mostly comes in the form of excessive (and quite frankly, patronizing) praise whenever I complete very simple tasks.
As an example, today another team had an issue with our application and I helped them resolve their issue. As I walked away, their manager literally started a round-of-applause that spread to the entire work area, with everyone on the floor loudly clapping for me.
Later on in the day I helped another person with an issue and as I returned to my desk, a team leader approached me and told me "wow, you did such a great job today!" in the type of patronizing tone that an elementary school teacher would say to one of her students.
This is just from today - previously there have been similar situations, where I help someone out with a small issue or write some very simple code, and I am told "how great of a job I am doing, wow!" or if I figure out the bug in some code and point it out, it's "Wow, you're so smart!"
It is extraordinarily embarassing and does horrible things to my self esteem. I feel like I have no respect on the team, because it is clear that they do not view me as an equal. But, I'm not sure what to do about it - clearly this is not going to stop. And I really don't know how to bring this up to anybody to ask them to stop, or even if that's the right thing to do because it will probably make it worse.
professionalism work-environment team unprofessional-behavior
professionalism work-environment team unprofessional-behavior
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
asked 14 hours ago
Alex A
322
322
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
New contributor
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
Alex A is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
Check out our Code of Conduct.
4
Are you sure that their intent is to be patronizing? Do they do this with others? Could it just be their awkward way of thanking you? I remember long ago experiencing something like this. It took me a while to realize that the new team just wasn't used to getting decent help.
– Joe Strazzere
14 hours ago
1
Is there anything unusual about you? Ethnicity, physical issues etc.?
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
1
I don't think they intend to be patronizing, its just that their internal opinion and view of me causes them to act that way without meaning to, which is why I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I haven't really noticed it happening to anybody else - seems like it's only me that overly gets praise whenever I'm just doing my job. It might be possible that they're just not used to somebody who is actually helpful.....interesting thought.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
3
Killsi - I wouldn't say so, I am an overweight white male, although personally I do believe that I look extremely young just based on my facial structure. If I were to shave my beard off, my face would look just like a newborn baby (Other people have said this is not the case but I think it is). Which is really frustrating and is probably part of the cause of this behavior.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
2
@AlexA perhaps a one year old, having had 4 kids a newborn resembles a wrinkled monkey more than anything else. :-)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
4
Are you sure that their intent is to be patronizing? Do they do this with others? Could it just be their awkward way of thanking you? I remember long ago experiencing something like this. It took me a while to realize that the new team just wasn't used to getting decent help.
– Joe Strazzere
14 hours ago
1
Is there anything unusual about you? Ethnicity, physical issues etc.?
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
1
I don't think they intend to be patronizing, its just that their internal opinion and view of me causes them to act that way without meaning to, which is why I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I haven't really noticed it happening to anybody else - seems like it's only me that overly gets praise whenever I'm just doing my job. It might be possible that they're just not used to somebody who is actually helpful.....interesting thought.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
3
Killsi - I wouldn't say so, I am an overweight white male, although personally I do believe that I look extremely young just based on my facial structure. If I were to shave my beard off, my face would look just like a newborn baby (Other people have said this is not the case but I think it is). Which is really frustrating and is probably part of the cause of this behavior.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
2
@AlexA perhaps a one year old, having had 4 kids a newborn resembles a wrinkled monkey more than anything else. :-)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
4
4
Are you sure that their intent is to be patronizing? Do they do this with others? Could it just be their awkward way of thanking you? I remember long ago experiencing something like this. It took me a while to realize that the new team just wasn't used to getting decent help.
– Joe Strazzere
14 hours ago
Are you sure that their intent is to be patronizing? Do they do this with others? Could it just be their awkward way of thanking you? I remember long ago experiencing something like this. It took me a while to realize that the new team just wasn't used to getting decent help.
– Joe Strazzere
14 hours ago
1
1
Is there anything unusual about you? Ethnicity, physical issues etc.?
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
Is there anything unusual about you? Ethnicity, physical issues etc.?
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
1
1
I don't think they intend to be patronizing, its just that their internal opinion and view of me causes them to act that way without meaning to, which is why I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I haven't really noticed it happening to anybody else - seems like it's only me that overly gets praise whenever I'm just doing my job. It might be possible that they're just not used to somebody who is actually helpful.....interesting thought.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
I don't think they intend to be patronizing, its just that their internal opinion and view of me causes them to act that way without meaning to, which is why I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I haven't really noticed it happening to anybody else - seems like it's only me that overly gets praise whenever I'm just doing my job. It might be possible that they're just not used to somebody who is actually helpful.....interesting thought.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
3
3
Killsi - I wouldn't say so, I am an overweight white male, although personally I do believe that I look extremely young just based on my facial structure. If I were to shave my beard off, my face would look just like a newborn baby (Other people have said this is not the case but I think it is). Which is really frustrating and is probably part of the cause of this behavior.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
Killsi - I wouldn't say so, I am an overweight white male, although personally I do believe that I look extremely young just based on my facial structure. If I were to shave my beard off, my face would look just like a newborn baby (Other people have said this is not the case but I think it is). Which is really frustrating and is probably part of the cause of this behavior.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
2
2
@AlexA perhaps a one year old, having had 4 kids a newborn resembles a wrinkled monkey more than anything else. :-)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
@AlexA perhaps a one year old, having had 4 kids a newborn resembles a wrinkled monkey more than anything else. :-)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
|
show 2 more comments
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
up vote
13
down vote
But, I'm not sure what to do about it
You could assume positive intent on their part and simply encourage them to stop.
The next time it happens, something like this might help:
"Thanks guys, I appreciate it. But, please no more - I'm just doing my job."
Give it a try and a bit of time and see if things ease up.
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
2
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
4
down vote
Unless there was an obvious reason for it I would just think they want you to feel welcome and valued. It will fade as you become less of a novelty.
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
add a comment |
up vote
-4
down vote
Reply with the following responses.
"Thanks, hopefully you will get on my level soon!"
"No problem, I can see why your team needs my help now"
"I am smart, aren't I?"
Seems like you're being targeted for being a white male.
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
1
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
1
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
add a comment |
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3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
3 Answers
3
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
active
oldest
votes
up vote
13
down vote
But, I'm not sure what to do about it
You could assume positive intent on their part and simply encourage them to stop.
The next time it happens, something like this might help:
"Thanks guys, I appreciate it. But, please no more - I'm just doing my job."
Give it a try and a bit of time and see if things ease up.
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
2
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
13
down vote
But, I'm not sure what to do about it
You could assume positive intent on their part and simply encourage them to stop.
The next time it happens, something like this might help:
"Thanks guys, I appreciate it. But, please no more - I'm just doing my job."
Give it a try and a bit of time and see if things ease up.
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
2
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
13
down vote
up vote
13
down vote
But, I'm not sure what to do about it
You could assume positive intent on their part and simply encourage them to stop.
The next time it happens, something like this might help:
"Thanks guys, I appreciate it. But, please no more - I'm just doing my job."
Give it a try and a bit of time and see if things ease up.
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
But, I'm not sure what to do about it
You could assume positive intent on their part and simply encourage them to stop.
The next time it happens, something like this might help:
"Thanks guys, I appreciate it. But, please no more - I'm just doing my job."
Give it a try and a bit of time and see if things ease up.
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
answered 14 hours ago
Joe Strazzere
236k115693986
236k115693986
2
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
add a comment |
2
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
2
2
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
Yes, no reason to assume anything negative
– Kilisi
13 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
if a public "confrontation" is a bit daunting you could always just ask your manager in a private chat.
– Borgh
6 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
4
down vote
Unless there was an obvious reason for it I would just think they want you to feel welcome and valued. It will fade as you become less of a novelty.
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
add a comment |
up vote
4
down vote
Unless there was an obvious reason for it I would just think they want you to feel welcome and valued. It will fade as you become less of a novelty.
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
add a comment |
up vote
4
down vote
up vote
4
down vote
Unless there was an obvious reason for it I would just think they want you to feel welcome and valued. It will fade as you become less of a novelty.
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
Unless there was an obvious reason for it I would just think they want you to feel welcome and valued. It will fade as you become less of a novelty.
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
edited 14 hours ago
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
answered 14 hours ago
Kilisi
106k59241418
106k59241418
add a comment |
add a comment |
up vote
-4
down vote
Reply with the following responses.
"Thanks, hopefully you will get on my level soon!"
"No problem, I can see why your team needs my help now"
"I am smart, aren't I?"
Seems like you're being targeted for being a white male.
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
1
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
1
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
-4
down vote
Reply with the following responses.
"Thanks, hopefully you will get on my level soon!"
"No problem, I can see why your team needs my help now"
"I am smart, aren't I?"
Seems like you're being targeted for being a white male.
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
1
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
1
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
add a comment |
up vote
-4
down vote
up vote
-4
down vote
Reply with the following responses.
"Thanks, hopefully you will get on my level soon!"
"No problem, I can see why your team needs my help now"
"I am smart, aren't I?"
Seems like you're being targeted for being a white male.
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
Reply with the following responses.
"Thanks, hopefully you will get on my level soon!"
"No problem, I can see why your team needs my help now"
"I am smart, aren't I?"
Seems like you're being targeted for being a white male.
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
answered 5 hours ago
Jack
1,156279
1,156279
1
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
1
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
add a comment |
1
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
1
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
1
1
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
Can you expand this answer with the reason why you think this is going to solve the problem?
– Erik
5 hours ago
1
1
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
When will the persecution of white males end, enough is enough!
– Dave Battersby
4 hours ago
add a comment |
Alex A is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Alex A is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Alex A is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
Alex A is a new contributor. Be nice, and check out our Code of Conduct.
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4
Are you sure that their intent is to be patronizing? Do they do this with others? Could it just be their awkward way of thanking you? I remember long ago experiencing something like this. It took me a while to realize that the new team just wasn't used to getting decent help.
– Joe Strazzere
14 hours ago
1
Is there anything unusual about you? Ethnicity, physical issues etc.?
– Kilisi
14 hours ago
1
I don't think they intend to be patronizing, its just that their internal opinion and view of me causes them to act that way without meaning to, which is why I don't think there is anything I can do about it. I haven't really noticed it happening to anybody else - seems like it's only me that overly gets praise whenever I'm just doing my job. It might be possible that they're just not used to somebody who is actually helpful.....interesting thought.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
3
Killsi - I wouldn't say so, I am an overweight white male, although personally I do believe that I look extremely young just based on my facial structure. If I were to shave my beard off, my face would look just like a newborn baby (Other people have said this is not the case but I think it is). Which is really frustrating and is probably part of the cause of this behavior.
– Alex A
14 hours ago
2
@AlexA perhaps a one year old, having had 4 kids a newborn resembles a wrinkled monkey more than anything else. :-)
– Kilisi
14 hours ago