How to avoid mentioning the name of a character?











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I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.










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  • 2




    Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
    – hszmv
    2 days ago










  • Write in the first person. See du Maurier's "Rebecca" for the classic example.
    – Carl Witthoft
    7 hours ago















up vote
30
down vote

favorite
5












I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.










share|improve this question









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Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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  • 2




    Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
    – hszmv
    2 days ago










  • Write in the first person. See du Maurier's "Rebecca" for the classic example.
    – Carl Witthoft
    7 hours ago













up vote
30
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up vote
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5





I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.










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Kalama Xander is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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I am writing a short story which features a character known only as Old Man, but there is a part of the story where someone calls the Old Man by his name. Only once, and I was wondering if there was a way to have it so that the name is said but not mentioned in the story. My story is written from the third person.







fiction characters third-person






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edited 14 hours ago









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asked 2 days ago









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  • 2




    Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
    – hszmv
    2 days ago










  • Write in the first person. See du Maurier's "Rebecca" for the classic example.
    – Carl Witthoft
    7 hours ago














  • 2




    Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
    – hszmv
    2 days ago










  • Write in the first person. See du Maurier's "Rebecca" for the classic example.
    – Carl Witthoft
    7 hours ago








2




2




Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
2 days ago




Is it a mystery that he is Old Man? If not, you should introduce him in a third person narration as John "Old Man" Smith and then refer to hims as Old Man until the dialog calls for "John or Mr. Smith" Another way is to have a character who is close to Old Man call him by "John" as sign that they only use their name when it's serious.
– hszmv
2 days ago












Write in the first person. See du Maurier's "Rebecca" for the classic example.
– Carl Witthoft
7 hours ago




Write in the first person. See du Maurier's "Rebecca" for the classic example.
– Carl Witthoft
7 hours ago










7 Answers
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active

oldest

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up vote
53
down vote













Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:




X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.




Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.






share|improve this answer




























    up vote
    48
    down vote













    Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.



    Example:



    "Nothing gives you the right to do this."



    Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.



    "How?..." Old Man asked him.



    Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."



    And so on...






    share|improve this answer

















    • 5




      +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
      – Crettig
      2 days ago






    • 2




      Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
      – Josh Part
      10 hours ago


















    up vote
    13
    down vote













    I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.






    share|improve this answer





















    • The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
      – Lightness Races in Orbit
      yesterday








    • 6




      @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
      – Kevin
      yesterday












    • @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
      – Lightness Races in Orbit
      yesterday






    • 5




      @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
      – Kevin
      yesterday










    • Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
      – Lightness Races in Orbit
      16 hours ago




















    up vote
    11
    down vote













    You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."






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    • What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
      – Don 01001100
      1 hour ago










    • @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
      – Robert Frost
      35 mins ago




















    up vote
    5
    down vote













    You could perhaps adopt/adapt the technique used in the spy novel The Ipcress File by Len Deighton. Although the film of the book gave the main character a name (Harry Palmer), Deighton did not. At one point in the book, he has another character refer to the protagonist by name (while in an airport bookshop):




    I was killing a minute with the paperbacks when I heard a soft voice say, 'Hello, Harry.'



    Now my name isn't Harry, but in this business it's hard to remember whether it ever had been.




    and "Harry" shrugs it off as a previously-used false name. That works well for a cloak-and-dagger spy story; but there are variants you could use in a more run-of-the-mill setting, for instance:




    Old Man didn't know why [she | certain people] had decided his name was "John": it wasn't, but he couldn't be bothered correcting them.







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    • 1




      As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
      – Wenlocke
      10 hours ago












    • This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
      – Acccumulation
      3 hours ago


















    up vote
    0
    down vote













    I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?



    Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.



    I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.






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      up vote
      -1
      down vote













      Peter shout on (called) the Old Man, by his name.



      And so on ..






      share|improve this answer





















      • Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
        – Galastel
        7 hours ago










      • Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
        – Ali_Habeeb
        3 hours ago










      • @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
        – Wildcard
        1 hour ago











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      7 Answers
      7






      active

      oldest

      votes








      7 Answers
      7






      active

      oldest

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      active

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      up vote
      53
      down vote













      Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:




      X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.




      Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.






      share|improve this answer

























        up vote
        53
        down vote













        Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:




        X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.




        Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.






        share|improve this answer























          up vote
          53
          down vote










          up vote
          53
          down vote









          Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:




          X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.




          Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.






          share|improve this answer












          Sure, take the example of the library story arch in Doctor Who, we see River Song tell the Doctor his name by way of convincing him she's trustworthy but we don't hear it. The audience only know what she told him because she says she's going to tell him and only know it's the right name because of the Doctor's reaction to it. The same is possible in written fiction as well:




          X leaned over and whispered into the Old Man's ear. The colour drained from his weatherbeaten features, then he found his voice. "But how do you know that name?" he sputtered.




          Or something similar, the key is to show the information being used without actually saying what that information is.







          share|improve this answer












          share|improve this answer



          share|improve this answer










          answered 2 days ago









          Ash

          5,391533




          5,391533






















              up vote
              48
              down vote













              Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.



              Example:



              "Nothing gives you the right to do this."



              Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.



              "How?..." Old Man asked him.



              Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."



              And so on...






              share|improve this answer

















              • 5




                +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
                – Crettig
                2 days ago






              • 2




                Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
                – Josh Part
                10 hours ago















              up vote
              48
              down vote













              Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.



              Example:



              "Nothing gives you the right to do this."



              Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.



              "How?..." Old Man asked him.



              Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."



              And so on...






              share|improve this answer

















              • 5




                +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
                – Crettig
                2 days ago






              • 2




                Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
                – Josh Part
                10 hours ago













              up vote
              48
              down vote










              up vote
              48
              down vote









              Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.



              Example:



              "Nothing gives you the right to do this."



              Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.



              "How?..." Old Man asked him.



              Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."



              And so on...






              share|improve this answer












              Have the narrator tell the action in that place, not show it. Then show Old Man's reaction.



              Example:



              "Nothing gives you the right to do this."



              Old Man sat back down in his chair, hoping Taylor would take the hint and go. Instead, he bent over so close Old Man smelled beer and onions on his breath. Then Taylor whispered something Old Man had last heard from his wife's dying lips. Too many years to count.



              "How?..." Old Man asked him.



              Taylor stood. "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."



              And so on...







              share|improve this answer












              share|improve this answer



              share|improve this answer










              answered 2 days ago









              Cyn

              2,391322




              2,391322








              • 5




                +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
                – Crettig
                2 days ago






              • 2




                Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
                – Josh Part
                10 hours ago














              • 5




                +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
                – Crettig
                2 days ago






              • 2




                Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
                – Josh Part
                10 hours ago








              5




              5




              +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
              – Crettig
              2 days ago




              +1 got goosebumps when reading "I know more than you think. More than just your name, Old Man."
              – Crettig
              2 days ago




              2




              2




              Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
              – Josh Part
              10 hours ago




              Damn, now I want to know more about the Old Man and his late wife, and what is this Taylor guy up to.
              – Josh Part
              10 hours ago










              up vote
              13
              down vote













              I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.






              share|improve this answer





















              • The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday








              • 6




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
                – Kevin
                yesterday












              • @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday






              • 5




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
                – Kevin
                yesterday










              • Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                16 hours ago

















              up vote
              13
              down vote













              I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.






              share|improve this answer





















              • The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday








              • 6




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
                – Kevin
                yesterday












              • @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday






              • 5




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
                – Kevin
                yesterday










              • Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                16 hours ago















              up vote
              13
              down vote










              up vote
              13
              down vote









              I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.






              share|improve this answer












              I think a good way to do this is to simply said "(person) called his name." or something like that.







              share|improve this answer












              share|improve this answer



              share|improve this answer










              answered 2 days ago









              Kale Slade

              791222




              791222












              • The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday








              • 6




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
                – Kevin
                yesterday












              • @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday






              • 5




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
                – Kevin
                yesterday










              • Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                16 hours ago




















              • The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday








              • 6




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
                – Kevin
                yesterday












              • @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                yesterday






              • 5




                @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
                – Kevin
                yesterday










              • Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
                – Lightness Races in Orbit
                16 hours ago


















              The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              yesterday






              The problem with this is that your characters can hear something that your readers can't, which creates a disconnect between your readers and the story. I really would try to avoid the name being audible in-universe; you can have some characters hear it (e.g. as a targeted whisper, or as an anecdote of something that happened elsewhere), but from the perspective of the narrator or whoever's telling the story, it should be inaudible so as to maintain disbelief.
              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              yesterday






              6




              6




              @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
              – Kevin
              yesterday






              @LightnessRacesinOrbit: I wouldn't consider that a problem unless the name is significant to the plot. If the name is going to be a plot point later, then this is a Bad Idea. If the name is being omitted because it's not supposed to matter, then eliding it in this fashion is perfectly unobjectionable (just like eliding any other irrelevant detail).
              – Kevin
              yesterday














              @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              yesterday




              @Kevin: IMO it would be like introducing a character without describing them, stating their appearance, what they say, it's just not a good way to tell a story! And I feel the reader will notice that and be uncomfortable. I would at least.
              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              yesterday




              5




              5




              @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
              – Kevin
              yesterday




              @LightnessRacesinOrbit: Well, you're welcome to your opinion, but without any story-mechanical reasoning for why this is actually a problem, I think we have to agree to disagree. I would not be uncomfortable with reading this storytelling technique.
              – Kevin
              yesterday












              Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              16 hours ago






              Maybe it's just me then! But I would expect to at least have a lantern hung on it.
              – Lightness Races in Orbit
              16 hours ago












              up vote
              11
              down vote













              You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."






              share|improve this answer








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              • What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
                – Don 01001100
                1 hour ago










              • @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
                – Robert Frost
                35 mins ago

















              up vote
              11
              down vote













              You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."






              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




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              • What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
                – Don 01001100
                1 hour ago










              • @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
                – Robert Frost
                35 mins ago















              up vote
              11
              down vote










              up vote
              11
              down vote









              You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."






              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




              Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
              Check out our Code of Conduct.









              You can say e.g. "upon hearing his name, he turned..."







              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




              Robert Frost is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
              Check out our Code of Conduct.









              share|improve this answer



              share|improve this answer






              New contributor




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              answered 2 days ago









              Robert Frost

              2113




              2113




              New contributor




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              New contributor





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              • What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
                – Don 01001100
                1 hour ago










              • @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
                – Robert Frost
                35 mins ago




















              • What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
                – Don 01001100
                1 hour ago










              • @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
                – Robert Frost
                35 mins ago


















              What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
              – Don 01001100
              1 hour ago




              What would go just before this? Something like "Balt called out to the Old Man, and upon hearing his name, he turned...," perhaps? I'm not sure why burying the mention of the name in a preposition phrase makes it feel less jarring to me than Kale Slade's suggestion.
              – Don 01001100
              1 hour ago












              @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
              – Robert Frost
              35 mins ago






              @Don01001100 you could precede it with mention of calling out but you needn't. I like economy of word so I probably wouldn't. E.g. you could begin "he walked directly towards X, his gaze fixed, but upon hearing his name called from a grey figure huddled on the sand, he turned..."
              – Robert Frost
              35 mins ago












              up vote
              5
              down vote













              You could perhaps adopt/adapt the technique used in the spy novel The Ipcress File by Len Deighton. Although the film of the book gave the main character a name (Harry Palmer), Deighton did not. At one point in the book, he has another character refer to the protagonist by name (while in an airport bookshop):




              I was killing a minute with the paperbacks when I heard a soft voice say, 'Hello, Harry.'



              Now my name isn't Harry, but in this business it's hard to remember whether it ever had been.




              and "Harry" shrugs it off as a previously-used false name. That works well for a cloak-and-dagger spy story; but there are variants you could use in a more run-of-the-mill setting, for instance:




              Old Man didn't know why [she | certain people] had decided his name was "John": it wasn't, but he couldn't be bothered correcting them.







              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




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              • 1




                As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
                – Wenlocke
                10 hours ago












              • This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
                – Acccumulation
                3 hours ago















              up vote
              5
              down vote













              You could perhaps adopt/adapt the technique used in the spy novel The Ipcress File by Len Deighton. Although the film of the book gave the main character a name (Harry Palmer), Deighton did not. At one point in the book, he has another character refer to the protagonist by name (while in an airport bookshop):




              I was killing a minute with the paperbacks when I heard a soft voice say, 'Hello, Harry.'



              Now my name isn't Harry, but in this business it's hard to remember whether it ever had been.




              and "Harry" shrugs it off as a previously-used false name. That works well for a cloak-and-dagger spy story; but there are variants you could use in a more run-of-the-mill setting, for instance:




              Old Man didn't know why [she | certain people] had decided his name was "John": it wasn't, but he couldn't be bothered correcting them.







              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




              TripeHound is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
              Check out our Code of Conduct.














              • 1




                As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
                – Wenlocke
                10 hours ago












              • This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
                – Acccumulation
                3 hours ago













              up vote
              5
              down vote










              up vote
              5
              down vote









              You could perhaps adopt/adapt the technique used in the spy novel The Ipcress File by Len Deighton. Although the film of the book gave the main character a name (Harry Palmer), Deighton did not. At one point in the book, he has another character refer to the protagonist by name (while in an airport bookshop):




              I was killing a minute with the paperbacks when I heard a soft voice say, 'Hello, Harry.'



              Now my name isn't Harry, but in this business it's hard to remember whether it ever had been.




              and "Harry" shrugs it off as a previously-used false name. That works well for a cloak-and-dagger spy story; but there are variants you could use in a more run-of-the-mill setting, for instance:




              Old Man didn't know why [she | certain people] had decided his name was "John": it wasn't, but he couldn't be bothered correcting them.







              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




              TripeHound is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
              Check out our Code of Conduct.









              You could perhaps adopt/adapt the technique used in the spy novel The Ipcress File by Len Deighton. Although the film of the book gave the main character a name (Harry Palmer), Deighton did not. At one point in the book, he has another character refer to the protagonist by name (while in an airport bookshop):




              I was killing a minute with the paperbacks when I heard a soft voice say, 'Hello, Harry.'



              Now my name isn't Harry, but in this business it's hard to remember whether it ever had been.




              and "Harry" shrugs it off as a previously-used false name. That works well for a cloak-and-dagger spy story; but there are variants you could use in a more run-of-the-mill setting, for instance:




              Old Man didn't know why [she | certain people] had decided his name was "John": it wasn't, but he couldn't be bothered correcting them.








              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




              TripeHound is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
              Check out our Code of Conduct.









              share|improve this answer



              share|improve this answer






              New contributor




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              answered 13 hours ago









              TripeHound

              1515




              1515




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              New contributor





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              • 1




                As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
                – Wenlocke
                10 hours ago












              • This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
                – Acccumulation
                3 hours ago














              • 1




                As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
                – Wenlocke
                10 hours ago












              • This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
                – Acccumulation
                3 hours ago








              1




              1




              As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
              – Wenlocke
              10 hours ago






              As a side note, this has been used (albeit in a direct homage to the Deighton style of spy novel) by Charles Stross in his Laundry series. Essentially, the name given to us for the character is Bob Howard (Bob Oliver Francis Howard in full, which is a rather subtle geek I M A Pseudonym) and several times in the books, he alludes to the fact that this isn't his real name, but since you are reading his secret service memoirs/case reports the names have been changed for security reasons.
              – Wenlocke
              10 hours ago














              This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
              – Acccumulation
              3 hours ago




              This seems to be answering a question different from what the OP asked.
              – Acccumulation
              3 hours ago










              up vote
              0
              down vote













              I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?



              Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.



              I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.






              share|improve this answer








              New contributor




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                up vote
                0
                down vote













                I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?



                Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.



                I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.






                share|improve this answer








                New contributor




                Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                  up vote
                  0
                  down vote










                  up vote
                  0
                  down vote









                  I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?



                  Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.



                  I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.






                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                  I'd imagine, the Old Man is one of the central characters of your story. Why not name the story after him and use his name there?



                  Doing so would accentuate his stature while creating an air of mystery. Allowing one person to called the Old Man by his name also conveys depth and sensitivity.



                  I'm not sure if you've got a short story title in mind but I would simply call it "John" and leave it at that.







                  share|improve this answer








                  New contributor




                  Anita Alig is a new contributor to this site. Take care in asking for clarification, commenting, and answering.
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                  share|improve this answer



                  share|improve this answer






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                  answered yesterday









                  Anita Alig

                  11




                  11




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                  New contributor





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                      up vote
                      -1
                      down vote













                      Peter shout on (called) the Old Man, by his name.



                      And so on ..






                      share|improve this answer





















                      • Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
                        – Galastel
                        7 hours ago










                      • Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
                        – Ali_Habeeb
                        3 hours ago










                      • @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
                        – Wildcard
                        1 hour ago















                      up vote
                      -1
                      down vote













                      Peter shout on (called) the Old Man, by his name.



                      And so on ..






                      share|improve this answer





















                      • Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
                        – Galastel
                        7 hours ago










                      • Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
                        – Ali_Habeeb
                        3 hours ago










                      • @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
                        – Wildcard
                        1 hour ago













                      up vote
                      -1
                      down vote










                      up vote
                      -1
                      down vote









                      Peter shout on (called) the Old Man, by his name.



                      And so on ..






                      share|improve this answer












                      Peter shout on (called) the Old Man, by his name.



                      And so on ..







                      share|improve this answer












                      share|improve this answer



                      share|improve this answer










                      answered 11 hours ago









                      Ali_Habeeb

                      33424




                      33424












                      • Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
                        – Galastel
                        7 hours ago










                      • Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
                        – Ali_Habeeb
                        3 hours ago










                      • @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
                        – Wildcard
                        1 hour ago


















                      • Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
                        – Galastel
                        7 hours ago










                      • Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
                        – Ali_Habeeb
                        3 hours ago










                      • @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
                        – Wildcard
                        1 hour ago
















                      Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
                      – Galastel
                      7 hours ago




                      Hi Ali_Habeeb! While you provide an example of how to solve the OP's problem, it would be good if you could expand on your answer, give some general principles, add something to the discussion that has not yet been said. You can edit your post to add that.
                      – Galastel
                      7 hours ago












                      Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
                      – Ali_Habeeb
                      3 hours ago




                      Hi @Galastel . I appreciate your advice, but it seems to me (as to others, I suppose) that the question is so direct and there is not much to say about it.
                      – Ali_Habeeb
                      3 hours ago












                      @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
                      – Wildcard
                      1 hour ago




                      @Ali_Habeeb, you suppose incorrectly; this very page has several counterexamples to your supposition. (That is to say: people do have things to say about this question.)
                      – Wildcard
                      1 hour ago










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